Parenting Kindly

If your toddler has started saying “no” to almost everything, even to things they normally enjoy, you’re not alone.
This is one of the most common toddler phases, and it usually shows up around the same time as growing independence, big emotions, and lots of “I want to do it myself.”

Here’s what helps.

1. Understand what “no” actually means

Toddlers use “no” for many reasons:

• They don’t understand what’s happening next
• They feel rushed
• They want to be in charge of something
• They don’t have the words for what they feel
• They need a little more time

Most of the time, “no” is not rejection, it’s communication with the limited tools they have.

Helpful tool:
Emotion books help toddlers learn the words behind their feelings so “no” isn’t their only option.
Affiliate suggestion: The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions Hardcover 

2. Offer two simple choices

Open-ended questions overwhelm toddlers fast.
Choices keep things moving without a battle.

Instead of:
“What do you want for breakfast?”
Try:
“Banana or yogurt?”

Instead of:
“Please get dressed.”
Try:
“Blue shirt or yellow shirt?”

Helpful tool:
Choice/communication cards give toddlers visuals so choosing feels easier.
Affiliate suggestion: Toddler Plastic Communication Cards

3. Give them warnings before transitions

A lot of “no’s” happen because toddlers weren’t ready to switch tasks.

Try:
“Two more minutes to play.”
“When this song ends, we’ll go to the bath.”
“After your last block, it’s time for lunch.”

It gives their brain a heads-up instead of a shock.

Helpful tool:
A visual timer helps toddlers see time passing, which reduces pushback.
Affiliate suggestion: 60 Minute Countdown Timer for Kids

4. Tell them what to do — not what to stop

Toddlers respond better to clear, direct instructions.

Instead of:
“Don’t throw your cup.”
Try:
“Keep your cup on the table.”

Instead of:
“Don’t run.”
Try:
“Walking feet.”

Helpful tool:
Simple routine books or picture schedules help toddlers understand expectations.
Affiliate suggestion: Wooden Visual Schedule for Kids 

5. Acknowledge their feelings first

Toddlers cooperate better when they feel heard.

“You really want to keep playing.”
“You didn’t expect that.”
“You want to do this your way.”

It takes the edge off the power struggle.

Helpful tool:
Calm-down items (like a small sensory toy) help during emotional moments.
Affiliate suggestion: Squishy Sensory Toys for Kids Toddlers

6. Use clear routines like “First… Then…”

This structure helps toddlers understand what’s happening without feeling bossed around.

“First shoes, then outside.”
“First teeth, then your story.”
“First bath, then play on the bed.”

It’s simple and predictable.

Helpful tool:
Visual routine cards make this even easier for toddlers who respond better to pictures.
Affiliate suggestion: Sequencing Basic Daily Routine Conversation Cards

7. Let them do things on their own

More independence = fewer “no’s.”

Even if it slows everything down, letting toddlers try builds cooperation.

Let them:

• pull up their pants
• climb into their car seat
• wash hands
• put items in a basket

When they feel capable, they say “no” less often.

Helpful tool:
A toddler step stool boosts confidence in everyday tasks.
Affiliate suggestion: COOSEYA 2 Step Stools for Kids

8. Keep mornings and evenings predictable

You don’t need rigid schedules — just a consistent rhythm.

Toddlers do better when they know what to expect next.
Predictability reduces resistance naturally.

Helpful tool:
A bedtime routine chart creates a smoother evening flow and fewer battles.
Affiliate suggestion: Wooden Visual Schedule for Kids 

9. Don’t rush to “fix” every no

Sometimes the best thing you can do is slow down with them.

Give them a moment.
Offer closeness if they want it.
Let them try again.

A short pause often melts the resistance.

Helpful tool:
Small fidget or sensory toys help toddlers stay regulated during waits and transitions.
Affiliate suggestion: Squishy Sensory Toys for Kids Toddlers

10. Stay calm and consistent

You don’t need to be strict.
You don’t need to be gentle to the point of being walked on.

Just be steady.

Clear boundary + calm tone = a toddler who feels safe enough to cooperate.

A quick reminder

A toddler who says “no” a lot isn’t being “bad” or “disrespectful.”
They’re learning how to express themselves, make decisions, and navigate the world.

It’s tough, but it’s also temporary, and you’re helping them through it in a way that builds trust, confidence, and real-life skills they’ll carry with them.